Sometimes, unfortunate things happen. We sometimes can’t appreciate that unfortunate things can happen until this certain moment.
People die, people whom you love can die, people whom you can never ever imagine leaving your life can die. Believe it or not, they can. And we have the less clear-cut cases. People can be ill, people can be on the verge of dying, you’ll never ever believe they will die. But sometimes they will. Sometimes, when you think you wish hard enough, they live– sometimes they do. Maybe it’s because of your wishing maybe it’s due everything unrelated to your love for them. I’m pretty sure life occurs outside the third dimension. Because we can’t understand and determine it sometimes.
Sometimes you are born into an abusive family not of your own choosing, sometimes it’s even clearer, you’re born with AIDs, sometimes you’re born congenitally deaf. Sometimes you turn deaf when you’re at the peak of your prolific music career and you’re still amazingly, Beethoven. Sometimes you’re born in the middle of a civil war, sometimes you are conceived in the midst of a war and you’re mercilessly slaughtered without even knowing what’s it like to be a full human being for 1 second.
Sometimes, Baker v Willoughby happens. You get into a car accident damage your legs and 3 years later, get shot in the same leg in a robbery and subsequently have to amputate your leg and go through a huge court affair for years trying to get compensation.
Sometimes you didn’t do anything to land your cards. Sometimes, you did do things, even if you didn’t understand, even if you’re broken, even if you didn’t mean it, even if you’re misunderstood, even if it’s going to be so hard to forgive you, even if you’re out of your mind, even if you’re stupid, even if you’re going to hate and scar forever, even if you’re a good person, even if whatever person you are.
Sometimes, people go on a death sentence when they’re not supposed to, like in that movie, and they fight and fight and plead and beg and shout and swear. All these people just beg to be understood for the people they are. But how can the court know, how can the jury know, how can anyone know, who can trust them, how can people trust them? They can’t believe it because they know on the surface and deep down, who they are and they can’t believe people don’t see it and they try and try to convince but believe it or not, sometimes people don’t. And they try and try and try with all their might, passion and determination because their life (heart) hinges on it, sometimes they do it the wrong way, sometimes they screw up further, sometimes they make progress, sometimes they succeed, sometimes they fail. But bottomline, they try and they try and they try. Sometimes, they are not marked on how hard they try. Sometimes it’s not how much you put into it. These people can’t see that because they want to believe it depends on how hard they try because they want to make it happen because it’s so fucking important to them. It’s good for these people to be credited for how hard they try. Because if you let them prove themselves and convince you, they’ll live their lives on the basis that they earned it and they’ll never forsake it and you won yourself loyalty, gratitude, determination, rejuvenation of a lifelong sentinel. But many times, these people are just left to die.
People are like pawns, many time. Look at war time, look at the holocaust. No matter who you are, you sometimes are in a situation in which you just have to eat it. Sometimes you’re terminally dead, sometimes you are figuratively– in this case, eat it when you reach the cul de sac and pick yourself up. Meanwhile, keep running, sometimes there’s a cul de sac, sometimes maybe, there’s a way out! Sometimes it’s a never-ending labyrinth. Whatever it is, we are small, we are pawns, although we are big, we can be individuals, we have the same power as a queen has to capture any other pieces on the board.
Life is random, life is messy, life is smooth, life is predictable, sometimes there is a novus actus, sometimes you are bored for a lifetime, sometimes your life is too dramatic. Whatever it is, don’t you get it. We are human beings, look at how small and how big we are! If we all truly can see and comprehend this, we won’t have overbearing egos. And ego, this sense of self-importance and self-entitlement is the root of so, so many problems that come from the ‘sometimes’. I can understand this, I can see it. Sometimes, people can’t see it. Sometimes you can try and try and try. I can see myself, I’m seeing more of myself uncover everyday. But sometimes I can’t explain to be understood and to be meaningful. To see yourself projected out and scrambled by distortions into something different and then projected back and then get asked about the distortions which you try to explain but can’t be understood. Sometimes, remotes are not held by anyone. Sometimes, very tragic things befall us, I consider myself objectively, among all of human tragedies to be somewhat not-too-tragic. To my heart though, it screams out in haunting, piercing notes and the pain can tear myself apart in a thousand messy, scattered pieces if it were willed to do so. When I make myself small though, when I see myself as a pawn, I can deal with it a little. But this is no way to live as an individual. I put my ego aside and say, I accept all that’s going to be of me. When you have to travel even if you don’t want to– at least travel in peace.